Gratitude

I’d like to think that I am a very grateful person. I know that I am blessed, and I know and believe it all comes from God. My children, job, home, food, car, health, education, etc. It is by God’s grace that I have all these things. You may say, “well Pam, you’ve worked hard to get to where you are and you’re smart.” While this is partially true, I also know that my brain came from God, as well as my ability to persevere and endure. (You don’t know how hard I prayed myself through school.) I believe that all good things come from God (James 1:17) and everything I have is — ultimately God’s. I could not have gotten this far without God!

God is good, and we can read many verses in Pslams that testify to this. I, myself, can testify to this. (Hence, my blogs with the testimony category.) I am not unaware of how, today, I am living what I have, for so many years, prayed for. This is not to say that I have not faced adversity, fallen to the depths of sorrow, felt broken and betrayed, and more. I think I have had my fair share of hardship, if not more than most. Therefore, thanking God is not out of the ordinary for me, even in tough times.

However, I do not think I have been the most thankful lately. For the last few years, symptoms of depression have tried to swallow me. I’ve beeb bombarded with grief, despair, loneliness, and aching. There were several times I wanted to run away or quit (not with a specific plan except wanting to go to tropical place and forget everything.) It’s in these times that I have forgotten to be thankful. I’ve preferred to wallow in my pain and complain about the injustices that have happened to me.

But in the last year or so, I’ve been on the other side of this. I’ve been feeling taken advantage of, unappreciated, benefited from, used and misused. Underneath those feelings are other feelings of sadness, unimportance, unloved, and undervalued. I’ve felt that people and my husband and children only come to me when they need or want something. When feeling this way, I internalize or complain about their lack of appreciation. I am then mostly met with silence.

Then it had me thinking-I cannot imagine how God feels! Although I do not believe in Santa Claus nor have taught my children to believe in Santa Claus, I feel like we often treat God as someone only to give us gifts or grant us wishes. When do we take a moment to thank Him? I am aware that daily doses of gratitude for months can rewire our brains, but that is not what I’m talking about here.

If you read Exodus, you will see how the Israelites continually complain and how God continually feeds, protects, and takes care of them. It’s part of our humaness, to take things for granted or to moan when we do not get our way. The focus is now off of me, but on God. I stop to reflect on all of the good things He has done for me, and continues to do! While Satan would rather me sit in my feelings of not feeling loved or apprecited, I have to stop and thank God. This is not to invalidate or minimize how I feel, but to make sure God gets my gratitude.

At the end of the day, my kids and husband may not appreciate me, or it could be that they simply forget or do not express their appeciation. Whether they do or not, I am thankful that God provides, meets my needs, and will never leave nor forsake me. And I think I could express myself in a different way, rather than moaning and groaning of my family’s lack of appreciation for me. I could also tell them what ways I appreciate them. Anyway, I hope the takeaway is for us to not let Satan steal our gratitude. For there is always something to be thankful for. Praise God!

Heavenly Father,

We are sorry for any and all ways we have taken You for granted. We are sorry for complaining and not seeing the ways which You were working in our favor. We are sorry for being impatient and wanting things our way. I pray that You would heal us and the ways we have felt used or even abused. Give us discernment to who should no longer be in our lives and show us in what ways and areas we can be thankful for. Heal our hearts from those who do not see our love and help us to express our feelings to those we love. We do not only do things to get praise, but it does feel good to be appreciated for our hard work and love, especially from those we love. Please meet our needs Lord, for You have our best interests in mind and at heart. Thank You for providing and for meeting our needs.

Prayerfully,

Pam