Marriage: Part 2 of 3

Next, God showed me bits and pieces about my husband, his past, and what he was going through. God revealed why he did or said the things he did. God was not necessarily justifying my husband’s actions, just providing me with some understanding. He showed me how my husband was brought up and how that impacts who he is today. He showed me that my husband didn’t have any good male role models or Godly men in his life. My husband’s dad died when he was 16 so that added another layer. I often struggled with my husband putting his friends before me; I felt neglected and abandoned. God helped me to understand that his whole life had always revolved around his friends, and that was what he was used to. He had been friends with them before he met me, so it was hard for him to do anything different. Additionally, God reminded me that change can difficult and that it is a timely process. Another thing God brought up was that my husband would have to want to change; no one could force him, not even God. My husband would have to be ready.

Then God had to teach me about trust. I may have lost trust in my husband, but I needed to trust God. My husband may have lied to me, but God would not lie to me. One of the fears I struggle with was that my husband would cheat on me. I feared the pain and anguish that would come with it. I even imagined it and had terrible dreams about it. Then one day, God firmly said to me (in my spirit): Pam, if he is on a mission to cheat, he will cheat and there’s nothing you can do to stop him. There is no sense in worrying about something that we cannot prevent or stop. After that, I stopped worrying and felt so relieved. And in the event that my husband did cheat, I would still need to rely on God and trust him to carry me through. But God also reminded me that His hand is not shortened that it cannot save (Isaiah 59:1). Trust. I needed to trust God that all things would work for the good of those who loved Him and called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). Trust that God could change my husband and that he would learn to love and treat me the way I needed to be treated.

Throughout all of this, I had to work out my own insecurities, find out who God really was, and then I would know my identity in Christ. This required quiet time with God, reading the Bible, and prayer. Lots of prayers. Remember when I said God wanted me whole? He did. There were so many layers of hurt, and issues in me and my marriage, and God wanted me to rely completely on Him. He had to be first in my life. I had to seek counsel, peace, comfort, joy, and even love from Him… everything from Him. I couldn’t rely on a person to make me happy. It wasn’t fair for me to dump the responsibility of making or keeping me happy on others; nor would my happiness be solely based on my situation or circumstances. This was a hard concept to understand and swallow, but became so real and fitting once I finally understood. In all of this, my husband was changing. Slowly, but surely. I may have taken it for granted at that time, but I realized that I no longer have to convince or bribe him to go to church. He'd begun praying and even began teaching me a few things about faith. I was able to see the little things he did for me and our family; I was even thankful for him.

And....we began to open up to one another and shared things with each other that made us vulnerable. I was beginning to trust him again, and to see him as friend and a companion. (Before this, I would never consider him my friend.) God was definitely working, and I was reaping the benefits of all the prayers I had been sowing (Galatians 6:7). God is faithful.

Let us Pray.

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the amazing people who read this blog. Thank you for the work you've done in me and my marriage. I have an amazing testimony of hope and it is because You saved us and our marriage. I give you praise Lord, all power, dominion, and honor is yours. You are the God who can melt hearts, and the God who can restore marriages. You are magnificent and mighty to save. I pray that you would help these readers. Not just in their marriage or relationships, but within themselves. You know the insecurities they have and the layers of hurt, pain, doubt or mistrust. Begin changing their thoughts and setting them free from things that have ensnared them. Give them peace and bring reconciliation. Help them to love themselves and understand your amazing love for them. I know you can do all things Lord. Water these seeds of Your Words and Promises that have been planted in them, so they may also reap the benefits of seeking You. Also, if they are struggling in their marriage, help them. Help them to work through it as you helped in my marriage. I pray that they would not lose hope, but seek You for counsel, prayer, comfort and peace.

In Jesus' Glorious Name, Amen.

Prayerfully,

Pam