An Update and Merry Christmas

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

As you may have noticed, I have not been publishing as much content as I usually do. To be honest, I have not had the motivation to do so, and there are a few other reasons for this. Firstly, school has been a priority of mine (on top of my other responsibilities as a wife and mother). I've been very focused on my studies and trying to getting acclimated with the way things are done here. For my school assignments, I'm on the computer writing essays all week, so the last thing I want to do is come on and write a blog. Now that the semester has come to a close, I am spending my free time doing mindless and menial things, and trying to spend quality time with my girls.

Secondly, my family and I are still adjusting to our new environment. We often feel sad, lonely, and disconnected because we are so far from everything and everyone we know. We miss our friends and family so much, especially now that it's holidays. We've undergone so many changes within the last few months, and over the last few years. It seems like we're always moving, always on the go, and things are always changing. We've literally moved almost every single year, and it's really starting to take a toll on me. It's exhausting getting settled somewhere, just to pack up and move again. This is not to say I regret the move, as I know it was God led. However, change often comes with much discomfort and uncertainty; and in this season, God is teaching us to depend on and trust Him even more!

That brings me to my last reason of why I haven't been as active. I've honestly been struggling with my own faith, and my walk with God. He feels so distant, and I feel detached. I'm not as close to Him now as I have been in the past. Part of it is because I'm not doing the same things I used to be doing before we moved, like my Bible reading plan, prayer group with the ladies, and attending church. I was used to my routine, but now everything has changed, and I find myself feeling lost and empty. If that all wasn't enough, school has forced me to do some self-reflection, and with that, a lot of past hurt and pain has begun to surface. Having to deal with past hurts and offenses, in addition to the new transition and loneliness is extremely overwhelming, and sometimes just too much. When it gets too hard to bear, I feel like giving up.

Anyway, God is undoubtedly working in my life and still very much present. With these major changes, it's been hard for me to find things to be grateful for. I'm not as excited about my faith as I used to be. Instead I feel alone, and I feel heartbroken. I've just been going through a lot, layers upon layers of things that I'm still trying to process. So in reality, my life really hasn't been all that interesting, more so gloomy and glum, and I'd rather spare you the grief of reading my through my pain and having to go through this with me. (Yes, my life feels gloomy and glum, even though I'm in California. How ironic is that?) But through it all, God continues to show me His beauty, mercy, and grace. There is still hope, and I am going to get over this, with His help. That's the only way.

Well, that's it. I just wanted to provide you all with an update, and to say thank you for continuing to read my blogs. I thank God for you all and appreciate your love and support. Being that I am away from my family and friends, I realize not everyone is having a happy or joyous holiday season. I just want us to lift these people up (and whatever they're going through) in our thoughts and prayers.

Let us pray.

Heavenly Father,

The Holiday Season is here, and 2018 is coming to a close. I don't know all that's gone on in the lives of the readers, but You do. You are all knowing, always present, and all powerful. I just ask that You would make Your love and presence known to the readers today. Take care of them and whatever they are going through. Supply their needs Lord, help them. Do it quickly. Father, I know that this year has been a tough one, more so for some than others. Please especially care for those who are struggling. They may be feeling hopeless, lonely, abandoned, or hurt. Whatever it is, I just lift all of us up to You now in the name of Jesus. We trust You, God and depend on You. Move Your hand and begin doing Your work to help us, rescue us, and save us. Thank You for always being with us, and for bringing us this far. I pray that 2019 would be full of blessings, love, healing, good health, joy, goodness and peace, and may the readers know You and experience You in a brand new way. We thank You for Jesus' birth, death, and resurrection. To You be all the glory and praise. In Jesus' Holy name, amen.

Prayerfully,

Pam